the twelve dates of schmidtzmas

i updated my facebook status:

DOZEN DATE DECEMBER!! for this, the twelfth month of the year, i've decided to (attempt) to go on a dozen interesting dates. start thinking. start asking! time is running out!! of course i'll be documenting the whole thing.about an hour ago

i just finished digging through the trash.


i have been on the phone with at&t for almost two hours at this point. earlier this evening i was bounced back and forth between the apple and at&t stores. the people at apple were, as expected, busy but totally nice. at&t on the other hand was a tremendous disappointment.

the person i dealt with wouldn't look at me. his eyes continually darted around the room. he told me the problem with my phone happened all the time with "these things" and there was nothing anyone could do about it. the problem, by the way, was that the phone won't turn on. according to this guy it is entirely commonplace for a new phone to not even turn on. he seemed to think i should accept this answer and go home. i asked him what we could do about it. he had no answer. finally he told me to call at&t. (so...what's he there for?)

i told him i wasn't able to call. my phone wouldn't work. he told me to call. again i told him that without the phone that wouldn't really work. so in front of all of the people trying to buy the newest iphone he looks at me and loudly asks, "you don't have any friends?"

then he turned around and walked away.

he left a store full of people to stare at me.

i came home and got on the phone. after two hours of transfers and hold times, i finally got the situation remedied. there are still questions that no one would answer. (am i expected to re-pay for apps that i bought?)

so i just finished digging through the trash to find the phone's box and return slip in a foot and a half of rain water. it was covered in slugs. it also smelled like only 95° can allow. also: mold already. i totally threw up in the grass.

so disappointed.

calcutta

in mid march i gave my email address to a waiter. i was on a cruise and sick of seeing the other guests acting rude. when the man in the "tex-mex restaurant" asked for my number i jotted down my email and folded it up before handing it to him.
i wanted to be nice, but i guess not that nice. after all, what would i talk to him about if he were to call long distance from a boat at six dollars a minute.

the week after the cruise i kept my eye on the in-box, curious. nothing came and i forgot about him. then three days ago i got a letter.

subject: Hi frien this is gautam from ncl gem
May 22 (3 days ago)

hi dear cara,
i am sorrey that i am mailing u after so long timemay be u for got me as we r out of NYC now well i am going to india soon by 2 weeks so if u have any plan to vesit do let me know come to india it will be good so by this with lots of love & luck Gautam.




and i have to tell you: a tiny piece of me is dying to see what would happen if i went.